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  • Writer's pictureLMSpang

Anxiety Enters and God is Still Faithful: Part Two of our Miracle Home Story

In 2017 we had been living in half a double-wide on the Tijuana campus for about three years. Despite some comedic issues (like the time the wind blew off the exhaust thingy from the roof creating a “skylight” where we could see the stars for a year and a half before it was finally fixed), this had been a wonderful home for our growing family. It seemed like God was stirring something up in our hearts about home ownership again, but we didn’t have a lot of clarity about it.

Some friends of ours were scoping the local neighborhoods to buy a house nearby. We were thinking maybe we would move into their single-wide on campus because three bedrooms and not sharing a paper-thin wall with another family was a definite upgrade! What we got instead was the beginning of a journey that would BLOW OUR MINDS.

In the process of our friends' house hunting, it came to our attention that a large piece of land was for sale. This lot was touching the YWAM campus. It was prime real estate for our missionary families—and the seller knew it.

Many of our YWAM families gathered in a room on campus and were all asked if we felt like we were supposed to own land and build a home and if so how much money we had toward the project. It was an easy answer for us. We had the word of the Lord about a home for almost 10 years! Yes, we felt like we were supposed to buy. No, we did not have any money toward it. In fact, we had some credit card debt we were still trying to pay off.

Six families were selected to attempt to buy the land and we were part of it. We each needed to come up with 50,000 USD! I remember walking out of the meeting feeling so anxious. I felt right that we were supposed to pursue this, and worst case scenario, it wouldn’t work out and that was ok. But in my mind, I wrestled.

“God, how can I help you help me?” I wanted to DO something.

So we did. We left.

Ok, ok, we didn’t actually leave. We took our kids and a Discipleship Training School outreach team to Texas for two months to do hurricane Harvey relief. We had a great time serving there with our family (our kids were four and two), but still, I stressed. A deadline was coming and we had seen some amounts come in but we were a long way from our $50,000 land goal.

One day in January we got a call from our boss Sean, “I can’t tell you who, but someone has given you $10,000 toward your land.” We were blown away. We didn’t do this and we didn’t even know who to thank!

That night we went to a worship service at the church were partnering with, Celebration of Life. During the time of worship, our team was called to the front of the room. The pastors prayed over us and asked the Lord to speak a word to us. When it came to our turn one of the pastors gasped. She said, “God is going to give you a beautiful home! You don’t even know where the money is going to come from but it is going to come from Him! You will have people around your table. Your kids will be asking, ‘Mom, Dad, who is coming over this week? Who is coming over tonight?’” We were amazed. God confirmed his plans in our hearts the exact day we received an anonymous donation!

With every mountain top, at some point, you have to walk down from it. We had the word of the Lord and some money toward land, but not all of it, and by the spring the deadline was quickly approaching. We prayed and asked God for specific people to talk to. He gave us the name of a family and not only did they give us another $10,000, but they also sent us a loan of $10,000! We were thrilled!

Something wasn’t right. It was hard to understand the lack of peace when we were attempting to not only buy land but build on it, but with continuing to pay off the credit card debt, we weren’t ready for an additional loan. We felt like we were supposed to send that money back and in obedience, we did.

Little by little (which when you’re believing for 50k, a little is actually a lot), money came in for us to purchase the land. In June we saw the biggest miracle. We were able to buy the land debt-free! Not only that, all six families initially chosen were able to buy the land. God was in this! And you know what? I absolutely hated the process.

I came to the revelation of how my attitude had been in July 2018. I could see when it started, walking out of that meeting room wondering how I would help God make this miracle happen. How backward is that? I continued to be anxious despite God showing up and doing miracle after miracle.

There wasn’t gratitude in my heart. I was instead filled with the same anxiety and shame with how my attitude had been. I love the verse in 2 Timothy 2:13 that talks about how even when we are faithless, God is still faithful. How I had lived out that verse with my bad attitude and yet God, unable to deny Himself, was good to His word and faithful to not only my family but the other families we were partnering with!

It was out of that revelation that I had a frank conversation with God. I repented for my stinky attitude and asked for forgiveness. I knew this was scratching the surface. If I was going to continue this journey of watching God provide a home, a HOME, for my family, I was going to need to calm down and let God be God. As for me, I would need to relax in my limited humanity and allow God to grow my faith. He was prepared to partner with us but didn’t actually need our help. I made a commitment from that moment on that I would not let anxiety overshadow the miracle—and even more importantly the Miracle Worker!

Sitting on our land, or possibly our neighbors' land. Hard to know without the boundary lines :)

This is part two of our Miracle Home Story: Where God grew my faith from smaller than a mustard seed to house-sized. If you missed part one, click here.

If you are like me, it can be hard to trust God when the miracles we need seem daunting. I want to tell you He really is trustworthy. He will do what He says he will do. Sometimes, like in part one of our story, we hear from God, but some of the details end up a bit different than we expected. Seek God in the details! Yesterday while talking to a friend about a financial decision, I encouraged her to ask God for direction, rather than her wallet. If it was a yes, God would provide further details. He really is that accessible for direction. I have heard from Him, and you can too!


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